Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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