I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
