Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
being pregnant is like rehab
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
