you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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