He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
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I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
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Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Enjoy the penises
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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