a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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