When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
