The beer is more important than you right now.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
