she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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