Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
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a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
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Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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