Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
