So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Drake has all the answers
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
