She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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