glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
