You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
