R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
