There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
