I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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