could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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