omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
