nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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