Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
