my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
