I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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