Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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