Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
