Dual....:-)
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
