Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
