he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
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Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
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I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
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