just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
