Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
