she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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