i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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