Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
