so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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