if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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