I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
