ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
