she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
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Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
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So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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