People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
