I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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