new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
