I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
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I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
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Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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