Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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