I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
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You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
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I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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