I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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