you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
