I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
