So drunk its hurt
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I currently don't understand fingers.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
