so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
