Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
