She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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