she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
