so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
