I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
