You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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