Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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