I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm both gender and math confused
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
